When Everything Goes Wrong! What do you do?

I do not know of a single person who can “honestly” say they have never suffered defeat or setbacks… struggled at some time or have had one of those days when they just wanted to give up. Ever had one of those days? Recently I was working with a group of fellow entrepreneurs in a workshop to help each other stay focused and on point in our business, to meet timelines and tasks each week for 6 weeks. On the 5th week I got sidetracked and lost not only focus, but momentum. I don’t believe I am the only one who has ever had this challenge… note, you will not often find me saying the “P” word. A “problem” is often seen as a “difficult situation” which many people struggle with to find a solution to, where as a “Challenge” can be seen as an invitation to compete, a contest or a dare to do something. Problem creates stagnation where Challenges stirs imagination… but it doesn't happen instantaneously. It takes honest evaluation of one’s self, their purpose, and a strong “WHY”. It IS an ongoing effort!

It is amazing just how one thing can lead to another… how a road block can often create new paths or answers; so as I was struggling trying to get back on track (although the time is up for this particular work group) I happened across an excellent post written by Marc Chernoff, “8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong” and thought it might help others who have had similar challenges.

 “The best way out is always through.”   ―Robert Frost

In the article, Marc writes about something his grandmother wrote in her journal which spawned an epiphany “Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren't wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.”

With that, he posted 8 ideas or reminders, as he puts it, that may help motivate us when we need it the most. I highly recommend reading his entire post - here were my takeaways:

1. Pain is part of Growing 
Two kinds of pain… Pain that Hurts and Pain that Changes You. Often times in our business we have to dig deep to find our reason WHY... why we are doing this business. We must have a STRONG WHY otherwise the pain may bring us to a halt… but “Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.” How many people are simply comfortably miserable in their everyday routine. Too often their WHY never becomes that strong. I know mine wasn't, but now with the economy the way it is the WHY has become stronger.

2. Everything in Life is Temporary
“Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn't mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn't mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.” Oh how I love how that saying about “The Gift”.

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, but Today is a Gift! That’s why it’s called the Present. 

Each day we wake up is different, and new and fresh start. What we do with that new beginning is up to each one of us. We can take advantage of it or squander it. We are in charge of our destiny if we accept the challenges.

3. Worrying and Complaining Changes Nothing
Oh how I loved this one… Great words of wisdom here… simply put “… regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.” Like Marc writes, “Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.” How easy it is to complain! Very! And how often, when around complainers, does it bring you down? Ever been in that situation? It drains every bit of energy out of us, and often times I will simply get up and walk away.

4. Your Scars are Symbols of Your Strength
Each of us have battled it out in our lives… yes, even those who may have had everything given to them… don’t look down upon them for having a safe and secure life because they too have scars from their own personal battles. But as we struggle in life we will endure pain. That pain will go away and it will leave a scar… Marc’s point is spot on… “YES! I MADE IT!” Those scars are there to prove you did it, above all odds, and as a result you become even stronger.

5. Every little struggle is a step forward
Now this was an interesting twist… “…patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.” How often do we stop short of reaching our goals, our dreams? The problem is we never know if we stop short… look up Three Feet from Gold. But it is more than that according to Marc “…if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion… And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.”

6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem
Remember #3 above? Well not only do you not want to be the worrier or the complainer, you certainly don’t want to be around others who are; but if you are forced to be around them, be the positive one. “When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.” I know it can be difficult at times, but there is nothing we can do to help others when they are negative… and we certainly can’t change the fact that these same people will do whatever they can to bring you down with them. “… your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.”

My father was very wise in so many ways, and not so in others. But often he would say "don't take it personally" even though at the time I would. It wasn't until years later I realized what he was talking about and how spot on he was. Some of us take a little longer to learn things than others.

7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE
Marc should have included “if you stay the course”, which in a way goes back to #5, but with a twist; “You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.” If you follow the above, honestly and be true to your core values, it is amazing as to what will happen.

I remember sitting on the front steps at a home I was staying at in Potomac, MD years ago when my family was 3,000 miles away in Sacramento, CA. I was working on a special Naval Reserve project and I began thinking, how am I going to get my family out to Maryland… how can I afford it… what job opportunity can I find… where will we live? This was back in 1989 and I had a choice to make… did I want to go back to the family business where I was unhappy working in a negative and dirty environment, or start fresh doing what I love… using my analytic skills in making a difference. It certainly wasn't appreciated back home. Every night I would sit outside, look up at the moon and focus my thoughts on the situation and think about solutions… I would talk to Cheryl, not physically, but out loud while looking up into the night sky - saying the same thing over and over, almost a mantra. This is what I want… this is what I will do… this is what is going to happen. Guess what? It came to be! Without going into details, what was meant to be came to be. The power of thought and focusing on my WHY was nothing short of amazing. I can’t explain it nor can I bottle it… if I could wow, would I be rich, but I stayed the course… and that brings up the final point in Marc’s post.

8. The best thing you can do is to keep going 
The 10 years in an environment that was difficult for me and my family turned out to be the best thing that happened to us… but it was devastating to my Mother and Father. Why? Because I made a change based on “hard lessons learned”.

Marc was spot on “Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.”

In the end, we all have choices don’t we. We can learn to be proactive and in command of our own destiny, or we can choose to be enslaved by the will of others who are in command of their own destiny and have the desire to both leverage off your “neediness” and have the power over your entire existence. Which do we want? Which do you want? 

And speaking of neediness, in a communication class years ago we would conduct different exercises in human conditions and conditioning. One such exercise was in how people reacted with people who are needy. Our class wasn't huge, but we had more than 30 if I recall. The instructor put on our forehead a sticker with a number between 0 and 10 where 0 was unattractive and 10 very attractive. We could not know what our number was nor was the other person to tell you what your number was. At the time the outcome was not known or understood, but after the exercise it became invaluable. Learn for yourself, check out this site for the answer to what we learned… it will certainly make a difference in not only how you act and interact with people, but how you will be able to know who you want to associate with. You may be surprised by the outcome of the exercise. Hint... attractiveness isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Everything we do and the people we work with, associate with, live and play with, impact our daily lives and are key to success or failure. The how and what we do to adjust to challenges is what makes up your character and how well others will "want" to be associated with you. So let me ask this question… when everything goes wrong, and often it will, what will you do? Or even more importantly, what will you change?