I remember working with a group of fellow entrepreneurs in a workshop designed to help each other stay focused and on point in our business and to meet timelines and tasks each week for a period of 6 weeks.
On the 5th week I got sidetracked and lost not only focus, but momentum. I don’t believe I am the only one who has ever had this challenge. As hard as it may be sometimes, I refuse to succumb to the use of the word “Problem”. Problems are often seen as “difficult situations” which many people struggle with in finding solutions for where as a “Challenge” can be seen as an “invitation to compete” - a contest or a dare to do something regardless to the level of difficulty however, it takes the “DESIRE” to change. A problem can, and often does, create stagnation where a challenge stirs imagination. However, it doesn't happen instantaneously or overnight, and it requires us to identify his or her desire to make the change. It takes an honest evaluation of one’s self and their “WHY”.It is amazing just how one thing can lead to another, how a road block can often times create new excuses. As I was struggling to get back on track I happened across an excellent post written by Marc Chernoff, “8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong” and a simple quote:
The best way out is always through. ―Robert Frost.
In his post, Marc writes about something his grandmother wrote in her journal which spawned an epiphany: “Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren't wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.”
With that, he posted 8 ideas or reminders as he puts it that may help motivate us when we need it the most. You can read his entire post yourself, but here were my takeaways:
1. Pain is part of Growing: Two kinds of pain… Pain that Hurts and Pain that Changes You. Often times in our business we have to dig deep to find our reason Why... why are we doing this business. We must have a STRONG WHY otherwise the pain may bring us to a halt… but “Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.” How many people are simply comfortable in their everyday routine, with their “WHY” never that strong. I know mine wasn't… but now with the economy the way it is, the why has gotten stronger. You just have to do what you have to do!
2. Everything in Life is Temporary: “Just because life isn't easy at the moment, doesn't mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn't mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second.” Oh how I love that saying about “The Gift” - “Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, but today… Today is a Gift, That’s why it’s called the Present.”
3. Worrying and Complaining Changes Nothing: Oh how I loved this one… Great words of wisdom here… simply put “… regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.” Like Marc writes, “Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.” How easy it is to complain? Very! How often have you been brought down by being around someone who constantly complains or is always moaning and crying - ever been in that situation? It drains every bit of energy out of us which often makes us want to simply get up and walk away. You just have to do what you have to do!4. Your Scars are Symbols of Your Strength: Each of us have battled it out in our lives… yes, even those who may have had everything given to them… don’t look down upon them for having a safe and secure life because they too have scars from their own personal battles. But as we struggle in life we can endure the pain. That pain will go away and it will leave scars… Marc’s point is spot on… “YES! I MADE IT!” Those scars are there to prove you did it, above all odd, and as a result you are even stronger. Yep you got it, Marc did what he had to do!
But it is more than that according to Marc “…if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion… And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.” Just buck up... and do what you have to do!
6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem: Remember #3 above? Well not only do you not want to be the worrier or the complainer, you certainly don’t want to be around others who are; but if you are forced to be around them, be the positive one. “When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.” I know it can be difficult at times, but there is nothing we can do to help others when they are negative… and we certainly can’t change the fact that these same people will do whatever they can to bring you down with them. “… your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.”
7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE: Marc should have included “if you stay the course”, which in a way goes back to #5, but with a twist; “You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.” If you follow that advice honestly, and be true to your core values, it is amazing as to what will, and what CAN happen.
This was back in 1989 and I had a choice to make… did I want to go back to a business in California where I was unhappy working in a negative and dirty environment, or start fresh doing what I love, using my analytic skills that I had gained and honed in the Navy with organizations and companies appreciating this gift I had? It certainly hadn't been appreciated back home. There I was, every night sitting outside, looking up at the moon and focusing my thoughts on the situation and thinking about potential solutions. I would talk to Cheryl (my wife), not physically but while looking up talking out loud saying the same thing over and over:
This is what I want… this is what I will do… this is what is going to happen. Guess what? It came to be. Without knowing it... I just did what I had to do.
Without going into details, what was meant to be, came to be. The power of thought and focus is nothing short of amazing. I can’t explain it nor can I bottle it… if I could wow, how rich could I be. Marc's final point may be the most important.
8. The best thing you can do is to keep going: The 10 years in an environment that was difficult for me and my family turned out to be the best thing that happened to us… but it was devastating to my Mother and especially my Father. Why? No matter how hard I tried to help my father understand just how the company was disintegrating all around him, I could no stay while deteriorating conditions continued dragging the company down... I had to take action... I had to keep going to protect my family, I had to keep going to ensure and achieve success. Yea, I often felt I had failed my Father, my Mother, even my Brother and Sister. But there was nothing I could do when they did not believe or see. Those were tough times. I just wish my father had survived... but it was too much for him in the end.
Marc was spot on “Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.” I never realized it until years later, but that is exactly what I had done. But it wasn't without a great amount of faith and confidence I had in myself which was strengthened by people I surrounded myself with. I had to do what I had to do.
In the end, we all have choices. We can learn to be proactive and in command of our own destiny, or we can choose to be enslaved by the will of others who are in command of their own destiny and have the desire to both leverage off of what many of us don't understand is our “neediness”, and they have the power over your entire existence. Which do we want? Which do you want? What do you do?
And speaking of neediness, in a communication class I took years ago, we would conduct different exercises in human conditions and conditioning. One such exercise was in how people reacted with people who are needy. Our class wasn't huge, but we had more than 30 if I recall. The instructor put on our forehead a sticker with a number between 0 to 10 where 0 was unattractive and 10 very attractive. We could not know what our number was nor was the other person to tell you what your number was. At the time the outcome was not known or understood, but after the exercise it became invaluable. Learn for yourself, check out "Why Neediness in Unattractive" for the answer to what we learned, it will certainly make a difference in not only how you act and interact with people, but how you will be able to know who you want to associate with.
Everything we do, the people we work with, associate with, live and play with impacts our daily lives and are the key to our success or failure. But how and what we do to adjust to challenges is what makes up our character and how well others associate with us. I am often asked what I see in the people I associate with. It is simple, they are the most "giving" of any group of people next to my brothers and sisters in armed forces. They are inspiring as well as supportive even if we are not financially connected. What other company can you show me that does that? And no where is that more apparent than within the Conquer Entertainment Division. This is truly the first company that has successfully removed the dog-eat-dog mentality out of what has been a very aggressive, competitive and harsh industry. They have literally LEVELED THE PLAYING FIELD!So let me ask this question… when everything goes wrong, and it will ― What Will You Do?
